Maybe I’ll see you soon, but I wish I could see you properly, I had nice eyes at one point.
So, I haven’t cammed now in what… a month? I was trying to make a serious go of it, but my eyeballs had to go ahead and intervene. I don’t know who reads my Twitter account, and of people who don’t read my Twitter account I’m pretty sure there isn’t anyone who reads this in addition, but since this is a much more permanent place for my babblings I guess I’ll babble here a bit and repeat some of what I’ve said elsewhere.
I found out a few weeks ago, after long enough either ignoring the problem or trying to treat it on my own, that I had/have pretty severe keratitis, which is inflammation of the cornea. This was probably brought on by a combination of things including my dry as fuck drafty apartment, allergies to everything imaginable, overuse of contact lenses and side effects of various medications. Once it got bad, bacteria got a foothold, and then I was fucked.
Follow-up appointment (when they were able to flip my eyelids inside-out without it being seriously OUCH) I was told I have clogged meibomian glands, so now on top of eye drops that cost more than $100 per 5 goddamn ml I get to do 4x daily heat compresses and eyelid massages. A week and a half after all of this bullshit my vision is still blurry, my eyes still sting, my eyelids are still swollen, I still have shrivelled raisins for eyeballs.
But I can now tolerate light again. It doesn’t make me draw my elbow up all Bela Lugosi-like. I’d like to get back to shit today or tomorrow or sometime this week… but here’s the dumb shit I’m scared of. I don’t like being on cam without any eye makeup, and I think eye makeup is still not a thing I can do. I’m okay posting #nomakeup on camwhores.com at times, or on my Twitter feed, but I don’t like camming that way. I feel like since I already am forced to wear glasses and I’m still squinty that my eyes are just invisible and I look like Mr. Magoo or something.
Yep, though. That’s my problem. I could totally come back about now, just either have to be a tiny-eyed self-conscious person or maybe mascara only the tips of my lashes? Still worry about removing any makeup. “Chronic dryness” is apparently a thing my eyeballs have, so I should figure it out, I suppose.