I figure I might as well start using this damn website, since I’m paying for the domain and hosting and all!
I don’t have much to say this second, but this is just one place I want to pay more attention to.
There’s also Twitter and Vine and Snapchat and Kik and Camwhores and MyPornProfile and Tumblr and akjshdkajsdhlkajshd, so many other accounts I have! I’m sure I forget half of them.
I’ve got to get this all sorted out.
THIS post is mainly about seeing if I’ve got certain things set up properly.
In theory, once I hit “Publish” this post should automatically show up all over the damn place.
We shall see!
February 18, 2013 Maybe I’ll see you soon, but I wish I could see you properly, I had nice eyes at one point.
So, I haven’t cammed now in what… a month? I was trying to make a serious go of it, but my eyeballs had to go ahead and intervene. I don’t know who reads my Twitter account, and of people who don’t read my Twitter account I’m pretty sure there isn’t anyone who reads this in addition, but since this is a much more permanent place for my babblings I guess I’ll babble here a bit and repeat some of what I’ve said elsewhere.
I found out a few weeks ago, after long enough either ignoring the problem or trying to treat it on my own, that I had/have pretty severe keratitis, which is inflammation of the cornea. This was probably brought on by a combination of things including my dry as fuck drafty apartment, allergies to everything imaginable, overuse of contact lenses and side effects of various medications. Once it got bad, bacteria got a foothold, and then I was fucked.
Follow-up appointment (when they were able to flip my eyelids inside-out without it being seriously OUCH) I was told I have clogged meibomian glands, so now on top of eye drops that cost more than $100 per 5 goddamn ml I get to do 4x daily heat compresses and eyelid massages. A week and a half after all of this bullshit my vision is still blurry, my eyes still sting, my eyelids are still swollen, I still have shrivelled raisins for eyeballs.
But I can now tolerate light again. It doesn’t make me draw my elbow up all Bela Lugosi-like. I’d like to get back to shit today or tomorrow or sometime this week… but here’s the dumb shit I’m scared of. I don’t like being on cam without any eye makeup, and I think eye makeup is still not a thing I can do. I’m okay posting #nomakeup on camwhores.com at times, or on my Twitter feed, but I don’t like camming that way. I feel like since I already am forced to wear glasses and I’m still squinty that my eyes are just invisible and I look like Mr. Magoo or something.
Yep, though. That’s my problem. I could totally come back about now, just either have to be a tiny-eyed self-conscious person or maybe mascara only the tips of my lashes? Still worry about removing any makeup. “Chronic dryness” is apparently a thing my eyeballs have, so I should figure it out, I suppose.
The self-checkout at the grocery store just yelled at me for not bagging the tax on my alcohol. I know that taxes can be a heavy burden, but metaphorically so. I didn’t think that you could actually weigh them. Especially not the $1.03 Cook County liquor tax on a bottle of Svedka. That has to be fairly light, even as a metaphor. I told the machine I did not wish to bag that item.
This is a picture of me opening my left eye about as wide as I can at the moment. You may have seen me complaining on Twitter about not being able to get on cam, and I’m really not exaggerating. If there are more than zero lights on I literally cannot open my eyes some days without it feeling like someone is stabbing them with a fork. I’ve spent a lot of time sitting around mostly listening to TV because it hurts too much to look at it.
I’ve had problems with pretty nasty dry eye since the summer, so now with the addition of cold, dry winter air it’s almost impossible to function. At this point I’m figuring I might need my thyroid meds adjusted or it could be a side effect from other medication I’m taking… or… something. It’s definitely not normal lack of humidity anymore. Especially now that I’ve taped up my drafty kitchen door and have two humidifiers running in here. Walking into my apartment from outside feels like you’re walking into the rainforest pavilion at the zoo. I’m not sneezing anymore, no more nosebleeds, not in danger of developing lizard scales. But my eyes still feel like shrivelled little raisins. I have six different kinds of eye drops in my apartment. Ibuprofen helps some, but not enough. Going to the doctor for blood tests soon, I guess. Hate hate hate hate hate. I’m a total wuss and those things make me nearly pass out every time, otherwise I wouldn’t have put it off this long. Inability to look at things has finally become more of a problem than my fear of needles.
So, I’d love to have been camming more lately — but since I’d have to do it in the dark and I’m not able to look at the computer screen without squinting it’s not working out. I tried a black light show the other day and it was way too slow to stay online, but maybe that was just a bad night. Maybe I’ll try it out again. Those lights aren’t nearly as stabby. Or we can pretend I’m some kind of reptile and just use the one red light bulb I’ve been turning on in my living room to make sure I don’t trip over things (not that all the light or vision in the world stops me!) I just wish that when I did get on people would stop asking me if I’m high. I mean, sometimes I am, but that’s not really relevant. I don’t think my eyes usually get red or droopy unless I smoke ALL of the drugs, and that’s just not a state I’d cam in, since I wouldn’t be able to figure out how to log in to the broadcaster, and even if I could I’d get distracted halfway through the process :p
Still going to try to get on tonight, though. Hoping that using up all of the hot water in the shower, some ibuprofen and half a bottle of eye drops will be sufficient to open my eyes a few millimetres wider than that photo up there. Otherwise I’ll attain a bottle of wine and watch/listen to something sad on Netflix. Maybe tears will help me!
Tags: dry eyes
Unfortunately adrenaline can also leave you with a nasty headache, as I’ve just found out. I now have an adrenaline headache on top of my already twice as bad as yesterday’s sinus headache.
Look at this crap:
That’s the fuck-uppery caused to my window screen when some asshole’s dog tore through it, grabbed my cat and pulled her outside a few hours ago.
I ran outside in my PJs (still all sorts of sick over here) and without being able to find my keys pretty much fearing the worst. I know that dogs like to grab onto a cat’s neck and shake, which usually doesn’t work out well for the cat. Thankfully when I got to the door my cat was there pawing at the window frantically, and luckily she’s smart enough to somehow know where the front entrance to the building is despite never ever going through it instead of running in a random direction down the street. I’m lucky enough that the dog wasn’t able to get a better grip. It’s probably tough to do so in one movement while smashing your big dumb head through a window screen, I suppose. It looks like it only got hold of a few tufts of fur. My cat is otherwise unscathed.
I’m also lucky that a girl who had just left my building was waiting there to see if someone would come outside, because otherwise I’d have been stuck yelling for someone to let me in, and I really don’t have much of a voice today! She had obviously seen what happened, but I didn’t think to ask any questions as I was too busy freaking the fuck out. Whoever it was who owned the dog had hightailed it. Probably for the best, because I could see myself beating him with the pair of shoes I’d grabbed to prop the door open (that I immediately failed to use to prop the door open).
Not even an hour later my cat was back in front of the very much closed window and another dog came along and bashed his head pretty hard into the glass. The most that’s happened before, in five years of living here, is that a now and then dog will stop at the window and bark a bit. My cat is then more likely to be the one to growl and try to swipe at them for she knows no fear. Or at least… didn’t. She must be putting out vibes of deliciousness tonight. Either that or the dogs have all gone completely hyperactively nuts due to the very unseasonable 70 degree weather this evening.
My cat is now sleeping in the closet where it’s safer, and I’m having a temporarily much better time breathing though also having to swallow handfuls of aspirin on top of all the cold medicine I’m zoned out on.
December 2, 2012 In which Lintilla begins a new blog by complaining at length about her cold like a baby
I said I was going to get back on cam after Thanksgiving. Well, that didn’t happen. I don’t think many people probably noticed, since I’ve been MIA for over a month now, but I’m pretty annoyed because I was all… I’ll have the apartment to myself! I’ll have all sorts of time to get set up and organized and my internet will probably be working properly by then and I can have the place all clean and it’ll stay like that… I was going to do things all properly like. But noooo… I go out for one night for the first time in weeks, and of course I get sick.
I also said in the meantime I might finally do something with this domain. I suppose that just got delayed. Hey, I’m doing it now, though (can’t do much else). I forgot that while my husband and the band and other various visitors came back for the break between the first and second legs of their tour I’d be dealing with my husband and the band and other various visitors for the entire break between the first and second legs of their tour. And Thanksgiving. And my husband’s birthday. And my husband’s laundry. And actually going out for one night for the first time in weeks resulting in of course getting sick.
I didn’t bother installing a proper theme here yet, so whatever the hell is about to show up when I hit “publish” is just a default. I felt like whining, and there won’t be anyone home to whine to for weeks except my cat who isn’t a particularly sympathetic listener. Besides, I always use getting everything set up perfectly as an excuse to never starting a new site at all, since nothing will ever be perfect. I’ll make the site all non-plain and add my links and latest cam image and tweets and whatnot eventually. Maybe.
Right now I’m too busy being probably the sickest I’ve been since I was a kid if you don’t count a couple of food poisoning incidents, which I’m not because food poisoning fucking sucks but has never lasted more than 24 hours for me. I’ve been feeling like shit for almost a week now. Just a cold, maybe I’m a whiner. Usually, though, I don’t get aches and pains for more than a day. I’ve had them the entire time with this bout. Nasty ones. My fingernails hurt. My teeth hurt. My scalp hurts if you bend my hair the wrong way.
If this hadn’t come on like every other cold I’ve ever gotten (sore throat for two days, runny nose the next, cough the next) I’d say it was the flu. Maybe I managed to pick up both somehow. I haven’t been able to eat anything much in a few days besides ginger ale and chicken soup. Yesterday I ate two pieces of bread and butter and almost choked it tasted so disgusting to me. So I dragged myself to the store all dizzy and about to pass out and bought some protein bars. Took me half an hour to eat one and I kind of wanted to puke. Beyond that I’ve only managed to add DayQuil to my diet.
When I got sick I thought maybe I’d push getting back on cam to December 1st. That’s a nice round date. But no, totally dying. If I live, it’ll be at least a few more days I think. A couple more days of sickness, and at least one to clean up the mess I made while being sick. Do you know how impossible it is to do dishes when the process is wash one spoon, remove gloves, locate kleenex, blow nose, wash hands, dry hands, put on gloves, wash another spoon? When touching water, even if it’s hot, makes you feel like all of your bones suddenly turned to ice and then electrified? Yeah, no. I think I’ll save it.
I’ll post and tweet and junk whenever I manage to kick this virus (please no sinus or chest infection this time!) to let you know where you can go to hear me complain about having had it… I know I owe some people content as well, and that’s all still coming . I just don’t think you want to see me how I am right now. Unless you do, in which case you might be a bit of a jerk. See ya, Internet. Hopefully sooner than later. I don’t think my cat wants to listen to me moan any more.